by Barry Southam
LEFT FIELD - Literary Masters and Poseurs flock to the Cafe Blue.
An imaginary waitress and barman serve drinks while writers discuss books and various literary matters at the Cafe Blue - a virtual Paris Left Bank cafe, created in the minds of writers around the world. This international brigade of poets and novelists have their own tables and favourite drinks, and have also constructed several attached buildings from the comfort of the seats in front of their computers.
Thanks to the Internet, some of the fervour and flair of the original Parisian 1920s literary milieu is online. The gazebo is where patrons drop their own poems on the table in the middle, and other writers are free to criticise constructively or respond as they wish. There is a "grammar garage", where the technical-minded can discuss the finer points of writing without boring the rest, and a treehouse where anything goes.
The virtual waitress is called Siduri and the barman is Mephisto. There is also a cook called Aphrodite and, of course, the guard dog is called Cerberus. Personalities are as wide-ranging as the nationalities of the members or patrons. There is Alex the obsessed crime novelist from Wiles, Barry the wry Californian English professor, Viktor the passionate lyrical Croatian, Annie the sassy bookseller from Alabama - a New Zealand publisher and short-story writer are also on board.
Topics? Everything from translation problems to running a boot camp for writers. In between, there are bad-writing contests, and bizarre rejection slips are shared around. ("Enclosed, please find two rejection slips. One for the manuscript returned and one for the next one you will send.")
Creating new words is popular. "Grantarctica - the cold, isolated place where art companies without funding dwell." One member challenged another to a sonnet war, and another tried to tempt others into discussing some alleged research that showed that children whose parents are divorced are twice as likely to compose bad poetry as those whose parents are married.
Then there are tidbits from other sites, such as Lovemaker, "a personalised interactive poetry assistance programme sent out on Valentine's Day for the less literate", and Canine Proverbs, which include "The dog kennel is not the place to keep a sausage" and "Some days you're the dog, and some days you're the hydrant'. Someone responded with "Things We Can Learn from a Dog": "When loved ones come home, always run to greet them and, when it's in your best interests, practise obedience."
From "25 Eternal Truths and Questions": "Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?" and "Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day."
Politically correct Christmas cards were a challenge, but the responses included, "Best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, gender-neutral winter solstice holiday, practised with the most joyous traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, but with respect for the religious persuasions of others choosing to practise their own religions, as well as those who choose not to practise religion at all."
On the practical side, there are postings on plagiarism, the protection of intellectual property rights, international competitions, ergonomic keyboards, how to set tip a writers' workshop and how to avoid junk mail. More serious debate (flame war) occurs over what constitutes good writing, as opposed to bad writing, the differences between poetry and verse, writing as catharsis, the future of print and the fate of books.
The new phenomenon of electronic literary magazines where editors compile collections of poems, short stories and reviews' on websites with appropriate graphics is discussed at length A patron recently noted that it was harder to get published on them now, as they become increasingly popular with writers and poets who turn their backs on what they call "dead tree" publishing-One such e-zine with increasing status hails from New Zealand. Southern Ocean Review, published by Trevor Reeves in Dunedin, is up to issue 12 and has a small, hard-copy print run as well, with illustrations by Dunedin artist Judith Wolfe.
Not all debate at Cafe Blue revolves around books and writing. More recently, issues such as prison reform, gun controls and the bombing of Serbia had the screens lighting up with some strongly held views. The purists in turn push their delete buttons and request that the cafe members go back to the main arena of art and literature.
Whether light or more serious, the conversations are lively and probably not unlike those in the original Left Bank cafes. It's a great source of information and entertainment from people who love words - but be warned, should you subscribe to this site, you can expect to receive up to 100 email messages a day.
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